Feel Myself

I’m gonna sleep naked tonight just to
feel myself again
I don’t know how or remember the last time my body completely belonged solely to myself.
My inner thighs have had unwanted ownership attached to them since before I knew the power of my own aura.
The power of a quick smile, a nod,
a whisper too close,
a glance from too far, too desirable?
I have been a sinner before…allowed others to cross my garden of eden and eat my forbidden fruit.
Only I am to blame. The only one to blame.
These parasites only want a taste of you baby,
the whole thing is too much, too sweet, too unfamilliar.

Don’t you realize your love is too messy and too pungent and too much like the sea sometimes?  For so long I have belonged solely to myself. I can’t help it.
Sometimes I think I drowned myself so long and so deeply in my own sorrows that it is finally time to come up
for air
and breathe without you.

Aside

all walk no talk

Who are we now anyway? We live behind masks.

Fighting to defend a image we have no idea that is being pushed upon us. I remember once when I was young, and I was told that i was ugly and I had never heard such words before. How could I be ugly and another not be? How could i be less than another? Better yet, how could somebody tell another that they are or they are not?

This is for women, my age, older, younger…aren’t you tired of sleeping with your own demons, in masks? masks of make believe, masks of unlove, masks of unattainable beauty that cannot exist externally without dedication internally. we are constantly in a fight with ourselves, whoever ‘ourselves’ is anyway now. These men, we let walk all over us, let into our hearts and souls and between our bed sheets with only the  trust and love you were taught to give the men of your dreams. Painting on our war paint aka makeup to fight another day.

Wake up. Were not dreaming or damsels in distress anymore. Look at the increase in makeup sales and the hike in clothing prices. Do you not realize we are PUPPETS. We have become so sad, I too, am guilty. but I am more tired than guilty. I am tired of having to be something, I am tired of having a conscious the size of Russia that never gets cleared. where are we supposed to go? Who do we look up to anymore? We have no one! even the Spice Girls were a sham. Screaming girl power and doing nothing about it did nothing for women, but solidify the fact that we are all walk and no talk.

 

Now to the point I really wanted to make…

It is hard to make a list of female influences in an age of the Kardashian sisters telling us how to live. I wanted to make a list of writers and women who have made it easier for me to be who I am, and always found a way to reassure me that I am worthy…even on the hardest of days. Maybe this will help spark something in you. We need to find our own role models and stop letting media tell us who we idolize. These are mine.

 

1. Lora Mathis.

She is a blogger I discovered one day stumbling through the internet at the late hours of the night. An inspiring poet. A young heart broken girl who seamlessly wrote the story of my life without ever meeting me, knowing me, acknowledging me. She is 21 and writes with the talent of a person who’s been at it for a lifetime. She is definitely someone that everyone should look out for, Self published and self motivated, she is someone we should all know and learn about.

SPlpiUqz

This is a photo of 21 year old Lora Mathis

http://lora-mathis.tumblr.com is where you can find her work.

2.  Malala Yousafzai

Malala is a blogger, female education activist and a human rights advocate. This is just a few words to describe the powerhouse that she is, and all before she is 20 years old. Malala is 17 and at the ripe age of 11, started a blog under an alias about living under Taliban law, and talked openly about things that she believed needed to be heard by outside audiences. After being heard, and interviewed she was nominated for a International Children’s Peace Prize. Unfortunately one day she was riding a bus and was shot at 3 times, and was hit once. She survived but was in critical condition and immediately taken care of.

Since that incident, it sparked a national uproar. People protested for this little girl on the other side of the world, which I think is just incredibly powerful. She has received many reputable prizes and awards for the work this young woman has done for women, girls and people everywhere. She proves that overcoming impossible obstacles is not impossible and at such a young age kinda made me want to kick my butt into gear because I’m 22 and nobody knows me yet!  She has also been on Time magazine on a list of the worlds most 100 most influential people also.

untitled-1

Interesting photo I found of Malala. This was one of my favorites of her.

3.  Friends:

I’m a fond believer in the people around you being your role models and daily inspiration. Simple. I’m trying this thing where I don’t envy or encourage celebrity attention antics. Quality time with good friends helps the spirit grow fonder, so to speak. You are your truest self around them and let the real you shin through.

Vice.com, you let me down.

Earlier this week I read an article on vice.com about a generation of kids who just can’t get a grip on reality because of our nasty habits and addiction to the fast life.

We are the selfie generation. The selfish, work for the weekend and never let go of your dreams even though they are totally unrealistic and probably won’t be an astronaut generation. The spoiled and live at home eating moms spaghetti til 26 generation because you just can’t let your party days go generation.

This was the article incase you wanted to know what made me mad about it:http://www.vice.com/read/when-does-the-party-stop Continue reading

Google Map : Construction In Etobicoke 2014

I chose to do a map of the construction in Etobicoke for the year of 2014 because it affects many people around me in my program and in my community. The back-up of traffic is always an issue in the area, not only including potholes that have long gone un-kept, intersections shut down for extended periods of time, usually longer than they are supposed to be.

This map is just a tip of the iceberg. The list I found basically shows all the construction and road rejuvenation projects all over the city, but the one I chose hits closest to home and also makes it way easier to commute if you know what’s going on in the city.

Most Torontonians have no idea when it comes to when the roads they take every day are going to be shut down but this map can help a slight few maneuver their way around the local congestion and find alternative routes around the city that makes the long commute (especially in the dead cold of our unholy winter) a little bit easier.

Attached in this link is a list of all of the construction around the city. As I only chose to map my neighborhood, this list still gives detail of what is going to be happening, how long it’s going to be happening and when it will be over.

http://www1.toronto.ca/wps/portal/contentonly?vgnextoid=d9e3df03a6cf6410VgnVCM10000071d60f89RCRD

Storify Assignment 1

Last year a proposal was made to the city of Toronto to simply the daily commute for TTC riders. The proposal, you ask? A numbering system that would clearly state where you are and where you are going to put it simply. The city had mixed emotions on the project, considering costs and time and if it would somehow cut into the daily hustle and bustle of life for others, causing delays.

URL for Storify is attached below.

https://storify.com/jlinnz123/one-year-later-looking-back-at-the-changes-the-ttc

Reasons Why I Deleted Facebook

It takes a lot of strength to finally delete your Facebook.

Admit it. How many hours have you spent aimlessly scrolling through profiles of people you barely know or used to know? How many times you’ve slightly envied another, or spent a little too much time on their profile. We’re all guilty.

I felt as though I was living a lie through Facebook, for people  I barely even knew. I was a phony. I was lying to myself ultimately which lead me to finally cut the cord on my make-believe life. The content of other peoples posts that gain them popularity ultimately causes you to filter what you truly love believe it or not. The content you begin to post is a replica of the posts that others around you approve of or like.
I also have to admit my online persona was a little bit of an out of control 16 year old I couldn’t let go of. Waaaay too many drunk pics.
As a second year student of a Print and Broadcast Journalism program, I should have been scared months ago, especially since I have to start thinking about what the heck I want to make myself into after I get the paper that makes me official to get a job with the big dogs. I have deleted myself online, and it is not only a HUGE weight off of my shoulders, to post things worthy of likes. Like what is that?

People either choose to LIKE or NOT LIKE things you say. And there is TONS of websites built around this concept.
I totally understand that ONLINE is the future of journalism, but apps like Instagram and Facebook is really just belittling people and I refuse to be apart of that brainwash anymore. It creates mental health issues. Earlier this year I remember reading an article about a person who developed suicidal thoughts, depression and anxiety over not being able to take the perfect selfie, and I was like oh my god…how many times have I been there taking like 40 selfies only to edit 4 and post 1.

I am guilty too…obviously not to the same extent as Danny Bowman but the same negative behavior in myself occurred, without a way to stop myself from achieving what had probably been captured 20..or 30 photos before. When did we start to hate ourselves so much? I don’t know.

I’ve since then deleted all of those types of social media outlets. A year without Instagram. A month without Facebook (RIP). What seems like an eternity without Twitter (well, a personal and vulgar twitter like the one I used to stupidly have.) I am tired of feeding into the idea that I need people to approve of who I am or what I do as a means of the type of attention I am going to get online….so what if people don’t like you? I don’t like you either. Unless you like me, in which case, hey.

The plus about not having Instagram, is that you begin to do things you used to find fun before you decided staring at a tiny bright rectangle was more important than real life and conversations! Crazy right?!

(this is a few of the articles I liked a lot around this topic)
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/11/fashion/for-some-social-media-users-an-anxiety-from-approval-seeking.html?_r=0

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/selfie-obsession-made-teenager-danny-bowman-suicidal-9212421.html

Real Life Hero Pt. 2

Part two of my first entry….Photo Essay.

I’ve had a long day hustling and bustling through the city trying to do things that 22 year old workaholics do (ie: rushing from class to work to home to school to finish assignments on time). I finished work at 11 o’clock tonight and rushed my way across the city (via GO Bus) to my friend Stephanie’s dialysis appointment. Three times a week she goes to the Brampton Civic Hospital to have her blood filtered of toxins that harm her body…mainly her kidneys.

This is Stephanie.
stephanie1

Stephanie is just shy of 23 years old right now. She is my best friend and a blood lab technician which always amazed me because she has lupus. Currently, she is relaxing and preparing herself for the idea of a potential kidney transplant.

stephanie9
STEPHANIE 5STEHPANIE5

The machines in the hospital are quiet. Except for the odd beep or two if someone is having a nightmare and their blood pressure slightly goes up. Other patients are all around Stephanie, also receiving their dialysis treatment, so we had to try not to laugh at all, since it was early in the morning.


sTEPHANIE 11

Today Stephanie received a donor information package, which is the next step in her recovery process; the transplant.

STEPHANIE 6

It takes a lot of emotional and mental strength to be able to go through, let alone donate an organ of yours to a loved one, even an unloved one. Stephanie is extremely cool, calm and collected as she skims through the notes provided by her specialist regarding what steps will be taken next.

We are hoping that she does not have to wait on a transplant list for a long time. The average wait time for a kidney varies based on your blood type. Obviously the more rare your blood type, the harder it is. Stephanie is also susceptible  to catching other illnesses. While in the hospital early last summer she  contracted shingles.

stephanie3

Steph’s arm is permanently scarred from shingles. Also down her back. Shingles takes over one side of your body. She recovered very quickly but it was quite a scare that kept her in the hospital a few weeks longer.

 

Stephanie has made a friend in dialysis that has had so many blood transfusions that his blood type has changed over the years. Ty, her friend is a few years older and is on his third kidney transplant, awaiting another on dialysis beside her on each of the three nights she has dialysis during the week.

Stephanie2

This is the machine that is connected to Stephanie’s catheter; a tube attached to her chest that filters and cleans the ‘bad blood’ out of her body.)

The reason I chose Stephanie is because she is not only my friend, but going through an extremely crucial point in her life and smiling through it every day. She is extremely brave, and one of my real life heroes. Stephanie hopes that she receives a transplant later this year, so that she can quickly recover and go back to school so she can become an ultrasound technician. She wants to change her life and start progressing, but it all starts with the transplant.

Brampton Civic takes amazing care of Stephanie.  It’s hard to believe now, but a few months ago, Stephanie was just under 200lbs from water retaining in her body when she first became sick. She is now healthy, working towards fitness and health goals to make the transplant easier to recover from.photo

She has overwhelming support and love from all friends and family, including myself. We are awaiting testing to see if all of our blood types match, and metaphorically sitting around a circle with a bottle in the middle waiting to see if any of us are able to be her match – which is what we all hope for.

IMG_3008

Stephanie and I in 2010 before her kidney failure.

This is my best friend Stephanie, and she is my real life hero.
Who’s yours?

Real life hero

So this is my first real post.

It’s extremely nerve-wracking, to be quite honest with you. It’s like going into a new grade at a new school at the beginning of September, and you’re 6 years old again, except the only pressure is a blank white screen staring back at you.

Tonight I am going to do something even MORE nerve wracking than writing a published blog post. I am attending my best friend’s dialysis appointment for the first time. Earlier this week I had asked her permission to do my photo essay assignment for my Online Web Writing & Design class. I believed her story is extremely powerful, and she is one of my heroes.

A lot of girls my age look up to a lot of entertainment pop-culture figures. I believe that you should be able to relate to your role models. Your role models should be people you know, people you love and people who inspire you to be and do better.

My friend got really sick at the end of my first semester last year. She had went on a vacation just before New Year’s and came back around my birthday in March, and one day everything changed. As long as I’ve known her, she has had lupus.

lu·pus
ˈlo͞opəs’
noun
  1. any of various diseases or conditions marked by inflammation of the skin, especially lupus vulgaris or lupus erythematosus.

But recently was diagnosed with kidney failure and had to immediately be put on dialysis to save her life, so to speak. She is currently undergoing dialysis three times a week to filter toxins out of her blood.
Now, I am no stranger to the complicated kidney world. A few years ago, my own sister underwent the same health issues my best friend is facing. My sister’s situation was a bit more complicated, as she had a child prior to her kidneys failing almost completely. She underwent a kidney transplant surgery, with the kidney being given to her by my mother and is now in her final year of school working towards her Masters Degree as a single mom at 24. So, long story short, I wanted to understand more the process people go through, especially at such a young age. I also wanted to document this for my best friend, Stephanie who is unable to get an outsiders perspective of her own sickness.

This assignment will be dedicated to my best friend, my sister, and also, youth everywhere suffering from kidney failure everywhere. These are just a few stories, and the reason I felt this was so important, is because I read an article about Aboriginal Australian youth, around the same age as my sister and best friend. Kidney disease is one of the leading chronic killers among Indigenous youth.

http://www.kidney.org.au/HealthProfessionals/IndigenousResources/IndigenousCKDStats/tabid/773/Default.aspx

for more info click link above.

Just something I found interesting. Have a great day.

Stay tuned for the photo essay on my bff Steph.

Three Habits of Highly Effective Bloggers

Great advice

The Daily Post

2768163918_f9d7699341_z Image by claudiasnell

Summer is over (at least in my neck of the woods), which means back to school…and in my case, back to trying to blog more.

I don’t miss much about school, but I do miss the ritual of new school supplies. I was the sort of nerd who loved shopping for new notebooks and binders, covering my books (is that still a thing?), and developing new organizational strategies every year.

In that vein, here are a few tips for how to organize and support your blogging efforts for maximum efficiency. Think of it as your back-to-blogging prep list. 

View original post 624 more words